Percival Proctor TT

Gallery Article by Dave Bailey, aka The Rat on Jan 2 2017

Silly Week 2017

 

      

RAF Little Fartington, nestled in the romantic county of Rutland, was all abuzz. The Air Ministry had bestowed on them a singular honour: trials of the highly secret Farley Fruitbat NFIIIBGA fighter/night-fighter/bomber/ground attack, with plans to have it in service within weeks. Little Fartington (or ‘Squelch’, at its personnel often called it with affection) was well-suited to this task, known as little more than an emergency airfield with few facilities. This kept it away from the prying eyes of the Luftwaffe, and it was also near enough to the sea that live-fire exercises could be carried out with minimal transit times to the range area.

The first aspect to be tested was the fighting component, and the station immediately ran into a problem: no target-tug aircraft. Few resources were at their disposal, as the Ministry wanted to maintain the discreet nature of the base. Fortune smiled upon them when a few inquiries secured a salvaged winch apparatus, and the squadron hack, a Percival Proctor, was pressed into service. A target housing was cobbled together from half of a Hurricane drop-tank, targets made from several moth-eaten blankets, and once the standard yellow and black paint scheme was hastily slapped on, everything seemed to be in place.

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There was no time to test fly the rig, as the Fruitbat had arrived and things began immediately. The Proctor, already known to be under-powered, was encumbered by the attachments, but they proceeded to the testing area in the mouth of the River Welland. There were many small islands here, some of which almost disappeared at high tide. Slightly separate from the rest were two distinctive ones, given the names Upper and Lower Down, the ‘Down’ coming from the ancient practise of raiding goose nests on each island for the downy feathers, and Upper and Lower from their position up-river and down-river.

The target was deployed, and problems immediately became clear. Once the winch propeller started to spin the increased drag made flying difficult, and the drag from the target brought the airspeed close to stall. A steady hand was required on the controls, and the Proctor was flying too slow for the Fruitbat to accurately use the target. The pilot could see tracer fire whizzing past his aircraft, and immediately contacted the Fruitbat’s pilot: “LOWER DOWN!” he shouted. “I thought we were over Upper Down” came the reply. “No, target lower down!” He saw the Fruitbat peel off as it went past him and turn to ground attack mode. “NO!”, he shouted, “Attack the target!” “Upper Down or Lower Down?” the other pilot asked. “No, my target!” Tracer fire appeared from below, again close to his aircraft. “Adjust your angle!” he shouted. “Up or down?” asked the other. “I don’t care if it’s up or down, adjust it so you’re not hitting me!” The Fruitbat used its superior climbing ability to get well above, but the speed still meant that the bullets were gradually overtaking the Proctor. “Lower down!”, he yelled again, and heard the frustrated reply “Which one is Lower Down?” “NO! Aim it lower down!” “I thought you wanted me to aim at your target?” “I do!” “Then adjust your speed.” “Up or down?” “You want me to attack Upper Down?” “NO!”

The Proctor’s pilot, Pilot Officer Roger Worthington, immediately realised the problem, called off the exercise, and returned to base to get communications sorted out. The weather closed in and prevented further flying that day, and he took the opportunity to spend time at his home nearby. His wife was resting after her household chores, and he couldn’t resist easing her tensions, and hopefully his, by giving her a sensual back rub. “Mmmmm”, she purred in satisfaction, as he began at her shoulders, “Now, lower down”. “DON’T YOU BLOODY WELL START!”

Dave Bailey

Photos and text © by Dave Bailey